I am 27, and I don’t feel settled.
Some of you are probably thinking that I am still young and have my whole life ahead of me, so why should I be so concerned about not being settled? It seems like a lot of people my age are settled. They have great jobs and a decent place to live. They seem happy and stable. Me? I live with my mom, more than half of my stuff (including almost all of my books) is packed away in storage, and I still work as a contractor.
Yes, I am getting married soon, which is amazing and wonderful. Still, I can’t help looking around me and having an overwhelming sense of jealousy. I want what I don’t have. I want that sense of stability. I want to be SETTLED! I have wanted so long to be settled. To stop moving my stuff from place to place. To feel like I am home, not just waiting for the next thing.
I seem to always be waiting. Waiting to be married. Waiting to get that amazing job. Waiting for the opportunity to do something amazing with my life. I am never satisfied with the here and now. I am always looking forward and wandering what else is out there. Thinking, this can’t be it. I am not satisfied. I want MORE!
It doesn’t help that my extremely academic family seems to think I should go to graduate school and get an advanced degree. They have mostly backed off of this topic, but I can feel it sometimes. It’s like they are disappointed that I haven’t done something worthwhile and amazing like my brother did with AmeriCorps. I am not my brother, okay! I am me, and I am still trying to figure myself out. I know God has plans for me, but I don’t know what they are yet.
I am not really the most patient person, so waiting for the next thing is really hard. Being content with waiting drives me insane. I want to be able to be happy with the here and now. I want to stop worrying so much about an uncertain future. Once this wedding business is over, I am really hoping I can work on getting my life back in high gear. I feel like I have stalled.